


Omar Khan and the terrible horrible no good very bad vacation

by magznus



Series: TPP [5]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack Treated Seriously, I'm so sorry, Peter Nureyev Alias Generator (Penumbra Podcast), Violence, this is just the worst thing i've ever made
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24212929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magznus/pseuds/magznus
Summary: Omar Khan needs a vacation, and boy does he get one.Join everyone's favorite martin cop as he does his best to relax(Spoiler alert, it's not gonna go well)
Series: TPP [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639732
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	1. Day one

**Author's Note:**

> don't read this, it's the stupidest thing I have ever written

To say that Omar Khan was in need of a vacation would be an understatement. Ever since the oldtown incident, his job had been more hectic than ever and he had felt himself growing more and more irritable and tired both at work and at home. He had been doing his best to leave his job behind when he went home, but with six children it was hard to keep a level head on a good day.  
It had all come to a head when he found himself snapping at the youngest of his children for standing in his way to the kitchen one night. His wife Noor had given him a sad look as he began to apologize and later that night they had a long discussion about work and how they were going to deal with its repercussions.

And that was how Omar Khan found himself here, standing on the deck of a Starline cruiser that he could only afford with the help of the vacation pay he had saved up over the years. He and Noor were surrounded by people all dressed in herendouse vacation clothes that all clashed, and the Khan couple stood out in their plain street clothes.  
They had loaded onto the cruise ship only a few minutes before a loudspeaker boomed threw the crowd.  
“Welcome guests and travelers, we are so incredibly happy to have you aboard the greatest startline Cruiser this side of Mars! Our ship has…”  
Omar zoned out the rest of the speech, looking around at the guests standing on the ship deck. He was one of the taller guests on board, at least half a foot above anyone near him. Gazing above the crowd he recognized one or two people but no one significant.  
The ship itself looked like any cruise ship from the movies. Large tubes ran from the top of the eagle’s nest down into the deck’s pool, and there was at least two gift shops on either side of the crowd. Omar rolled his eyes, absolute waste of money he thought.  
It had gotten quiet, the speaker shutting off before the crowd erupted in sudden and undeserved applause. Next to him, Noor was smiling happily, she slid her arm into his and pulled him through the crowd and toward a set of stairs.  
“Let’s go see the cabin!” She practically drug him behind her as they entered a long corridor of matching doors all designed to look like an old earth ship. “Ours is supposed to be one of the best there is! And they have wonderful amenities here, this is going to be an amazing week for us.”  
Omar nodded in agreement, “Which room do we have?”  
“322, I believe it’s towards the very back of the hallway. We’re almost there.”  
They reached the door after another few minutes of walking, Noor pulled the room key out of her pocket and slid it into the lock. As Omar turned towards the room there was a movement in the corner of his eye, he turned fully to find a man suddenly standing directly behind them.  
“Oh hell!” Omar jumped at the sudden figure. “How long have you been behind us?”  
The man laughed, he was lanky and dressed like every other tourist on the ship, only his clothes looked tailor fitted and somehow didn’t clash. “Oh I’m terribly sorry, my wife is always telling me I walk to softly and need to remember to announce myself.”  
“That’s quite alright!” Noor smiled “My husband is just the jumpy type.”  
“I’m not jumpy” Omar grumped quietly.  
The man laughed again, “Well aren’t you two just a wonderful couple, I’m glad you’ll be our neighbors this week.” He held out a key card identical to the one Noor was using before swiping it into the door in front of him and pulling it open.  
“Yes, it will be wonderful!.” Noor turned to Omar, “Look at that, we are already making friends.” She turned back to the man, “My name is Noor, and this is my husband Omar.”  
“Topaz Shine” He bowed just slightly as he held out his hand. “I’m sure you’ll love my Em once you meat him as well.”  
Noor happily accepted his hand, smiling back at Omar before waving goodbye to Shine and heading into their room.  
The room was designed much like the hallway, wood paneling covered the walls and lengths of rope and bits of old ships were tacked up around the bed. Everything was made to look just like the traditional ships from ancient earth times.  
“What do you think of that Mr. Shine dear?” Noor was walking around the room to where their luggage had already been placed.  
“I’m not sure.” Omar sat down heavily on the bed, he recognized something about the man, something fishy about him. “I could have sworn I’ve seen his face before. Maybe on one of the case files at the HCPD, or possibly through the outer rim news strea-”  
“Oh no, you don’t!” Noor walked over to him with her hands on her hips. “Firstly this is a work-free vacation if it has to do the HCPD it is not to be mentioned at all this week. And secondly, Mr. Shine seems like a perfectly agreeable man who you will be nice to because he deserves nothing less.” She glared down at her husband, “Do I make myself clear?”  
Omar sighed, “Yes of course dear, you’re right, and I’m sorry.”  
“Good, now get ready for dinner. Maybe we can meet up with Mr. Shine and his wife there.” 

Dinner was availible in three different locations, each dining hall was themed differently and the food there was served to match. Noor had claimed she was craving Neptunian curry and who was Omar to argue with her.  
They arrived just as the first plates were being served, and Noor was quick to find Shine sitting by himself in a back corner. They began to walk in his direction just as a much shorter figure approached him from the other side of the room.  
“Oh, that must be Mrs. Shine!” Noor exclaimed, walking ahead of her husband and waving at the couple.  
Omar followed behind her at a much slower pace, just as he got closer Mrs. Shine turned towards him and suddenly Omar saw who he was.  
“Steel?!”


	2. Day two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took forever to post! I'm going to try and finish the stores as soon as possible

Omar Khan was supposed to be enjoying a peaceful vacation away from the stress of his job and Hyperion city. But the universe had other plans. Sitting down for dinner, Juno Steel across from him while his wife and a man named Topaz Shine enjoy their dinner obliviously.   
Shine called Steel Em the entire night, they found out it was short for Emerald about halfway through dinner and Noor had thought it had been the most amazing thing she had ever heard. It was absolutely infuriating to watch his wife fall more and more in love with the former detective and his mysterious partner though the night.  
The dinner seemed to last forever, and somehow both Omar and Steel were able to keep their heads on without alerting either of their partners the entire night. After dinner finished Noor suggested that the group went star gazing together on the main deck, lucky for Omar, Steel had some excuse about needing beauty rest and quickly the Shines retreated to bed. 

The next morning Omar woke up early, Noor was still fast asleep as he sat up and pulled out his comms. It didn’t take him long to find all information available on Topaz and Emerald Shine. Mostly because there was next to nothing, even in the HCPD database. He was able to find maybe a year or two of records regarding an average fashion designer from one of Jupiter’s moons named Topaz Shine. His wife Emerald Shine had even less information, just a marriage certificate and a money trail that only had two stops at outer rim restaurants and the cruise ship tickets.   
He was so invested in his research, Omar didn’t hear the rustling behind him until…  
“What the hell are you doing?” Noor’s voice was croaky with sleep but not any less annoyed.  
Omar spun around to find her looking angrily over his shoulder.  
“Is that the HCPD database? Because I thought that Loo told you not to touch it while you were away, or have you already forgotten about why we are here?” She looked at him expectantly.   
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Omar sighed “It’s a habit really, I’ll try harder.”  
“Good, because we have a full week to enjoy ourselves and I won’t have you spending the entire time working.” 

Noor had brought out a pamphlet of all of the ship’s amenities, spas, pools, and various casino rooms that were littered around the different floors of the ship. She pointed out different scheduled activities that she had wanted to do throughout the week. Omar nodded along with each one, knowing that it was best to let her pick for him than trying to get her to let him spend the whole time in the casino room.  
They “decided” on going to the spa together first, a full day of pampering that he could hopefully sleep through at least some of. The salons were on the highest deck of the ship, looking out on all the other guests.   
It was here, looking out a grand window, that Omar was once again heard the voice that made his teeth grind.  
“Thanks, hun. I think I could have handed him my own coat though.”  
“What can I say, I love to pamper.”   
Omar Khan spun on his heel and found himself once again face to face with Juno steel. He was standing next to whoever it was that called himself Topaz shine, looking relaxed and calm. A look Omar had never seen on him.  
“Oh Em!” Noor squealed from beside him. “I can’t believe you’re here! Oh, this is perfect.” She rushed up to Steel grabbing his hand and pulling him slightly further into the salon. “I wanted a chance to get to talk to you more, why don’t we go in together? Then out husbands can go in! It’s just perfect!”  
Steel smiled, “I agree. Topaz what do you think?”  
“Absolutely perfect!”  
Omar wasn’t given a chance to protest as Noor and Steel were led away by an employee. Only moments later a young woman walked towards him and Shine, gesturing for the two of them to follow behind her.  
They didn’t talk. Shine’s happy cadence didn’t drop completely, but he seemed just as uncomfortable as Omar felt. The silence lasted through tanning beds and massages. It wasn’t until they had been lead to the mud baths that Shine finally spoke up.  
“Your wife is quite excitable isn’t she?” His words came out a little forced and awkward.  
Omar hummed, “Yes, she tends to grab onto people much easier than most.”   
“Ha, well I’m glad the ladies were able to talk to someone other than us. We really aren’t very good conversationalists.”  
“no, we aren’t.”  
The mud bubbled around them.  
“What do you do for work Mister Khan?”  
“Police, Captain”  
“Ah, good.”  
“You?”  
“Banking”  
“Hm”  
“Yes”   
A spa employee walked by, checking the bath’s temperature before leaving again.   
“I’m sure Em and Noor are having a wonderful time.” Shine glanced around, almost as though looking for their wives. “I’m not sure which is talking off which’s ear.”  
“Ha, yeah. If you get Noor going she can really go.”  
“Oh so can Em, he has those few things that he could talk about for hours.” Shine laughed fondly “I can’t stop him once he starts.”   
“I’m sure they’ve been more than entertained with each other all day,” Omar looked up to where a clock sat, it was a little past four pm. There had been food provide throughout the afternoon while they moved through the spa but Omar was beginning to want something more substantial. “Do you think they are ready to go? I could kill for some dinner.”

Half an hour later they met up with Noor and Steel in the spa’s lobby. They both smiled, looking relaxed and happy as they walked out to meet their husbands.  
“Did you have a nice time dear?” Noor asked.  
“Yes actually, very relaxing.”  
“It was wonderful” Shine added.  
Steel laughed before rubbing his hands together, “I don’t know about anyone else but I am starving! Hun? What do you think?”  
“I was just going to suggest we go find an early dinner.”  
Noor practically jumped on them, “Sounds amazing!”

And so once again, Omar khan found himself sitting at dinner across from Juno steel. He was holding hands with Shine on top of the table, laughing, and joking with Noor while eating.   
It was a side of Steel that he had never seen before. He would occasionally glance over at Omar awkwardly but for the most part, he was focused on Shine and Noor. Steel was relaxed, happy, and calm. Now that the shock of him being there had passed Omar was able to actually get a good look at him.  
He had an eye patch that matched his outfit, which looked much more expensive than anything he usually wore. He didn’t act like the same stubborn PI that Omar had dealt with before, he wasn’t glaring at everyone who was too loud or chipper in the room, and he had yet to make one annoyingly self-deprecating joke.   
Omar knew something was up with Steel and Shine. He couldn’t shake the feeling that they were up to something. But still, for another hour or so, he managed to put that away. If only for Noor’s benefit. And by the time the four of them parted and headed to their own rooms, he was able to spend the rest of the night focused only on his wife, content if only for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment so I know people actually want me to lee[ writing this dumb fic :D


	3. Day three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little short, the next chapter will be much longer.

Noor had wanted to go see a show, something about hypnosis and a circus. The second they had stepped into the theatre room where the show was Omar had begun to get a headache, the loud music and bright lights swaying around the room, too much for him. It had been easy to convince Noor to go without him, mentioning the hot tubs had gotten her to let him go quickly.   
He wandered back towards their room. Mosying his way through the ship’s corridors along the way. Omar assumed most everyone was busy at the show, leaving it much emptier than usual.   
Just as he reached the door to his room, he heard angry whispering from next door.  
From Steel’s room.  
“Juno, we can’t keep arguing about this!” That was Shine.  
“Obviously we can, I mean Buddy gave us a practically minute by minute schedule to follow. But you want to go off and do your own thing in the middle of a job.”  
“Oh please, it is not, my own thing. I simply think we have better things to do than spa’ing with the head of the Hyperion police department.”  
“Oh and that means we need to start pickpocketing everyone in a twenty-foot diameter? As though that’s not the most unnecessary risk you could be taking.”  
“It is not a risk! Do you not trust me at all detective? I am perfectly capable of keeping a low profile and not risking our job.”  
“No, you’re just bored.”  
“Excuse me? Bored? I’m sorry but what do you think we were supposed to be doing? This is a job, we are working, but the real job can’t start until we have a sure exit. Which can’t happen until we have docked. So sue me for wanting to do something with my time while we are stuck on this god awful cruise ship.”  
There was the sound of someone standing up and moving towards the door. Omar was quick to duck into his own room before the door swung open. He watched through the crack as Steel angrily walked out and down the hallway. Shine stepped out after him, watching him go before turning and walking back into their room.   
Omar could hear him pacing around next door for a few minutes, staying as quiet as possible until Shine finally left and followed after Steel.  
“What, the fuck?” Omar yelled, now confident that he wouldn’t be overheard. “That, stupid, idiotic, No good. What does he think he is doing? And I knew they were up to something! I just wanted a vacation, just a simple break from work. But know I’ve got to stop Steel, and whoever Shine really is, from getting into more trouble than they’re worth.”   
Omar huffed to himself for a little longer, before deciding to go and find Steel before he could cause any real damage.   
=====  
Juno Steel was good at hiding himself, and it didn’t help that he was a good half hour ahead. It had taken Omar a while to find him, but once he did it was easy to follow him through the ship without being noticed.   
He followed Steel through the almost empty ship, keeping behind corners and ducking into doorways when he needed to. He thought Steel had noticed him at one point, turning around with an odd look in his eye. Only to shrug and turn back around, continuing on his way.  
They stopped in an auditorium, completely empty save for Steel. Omar walked around him, finding the stairs that lead to the second story so that he could look down at what Steel was doing.   
Juno Steel walked onto the auditorium stage, looking around himself before sitting down heavily on the edge, legs dangling off. He slumped forward slightly, and it was only because Omar knew what to look for that he could see the tense line running up his back. He may have looked relaxed, but Steel was ready to bolt any second.   
Omar watched him, and the room, carefully. There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary that he could see. Nothing except for Steel. Who was still just sitting there, looking around like he was waiting for something.  
He was watching Steel carefully. Something had to be happening, and Omar wasn’t going to miss it.   
Which is exactly how he missed the sound of someone coming up behind him. The feel of a gun pressed into the small of his back got his attention though.  
“Captain, I believe that’s my wife you’re gawking at.”


	4. Day four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back on my Omar Khan fan-fic bullshit

“What, the hell.”  
“I’m sorry Captain, was I not clear enough. Allow me to enunciate.”  
“I heard you perfectly fine Shine, or whatever the hell your name is. Why the hell do you have a gun pointed at me?”  
Shine laughed, “Where do I begin Captain? I get a text from my wife, that someone has been following him for almost half an hour. And when I find him, he’s sitting in an auditorium, half scared out of his mind because some creep of a captain is just watching him! So forgive me if I am a little angry.”   
Omar still wasn’t quite sure how he had gotten himself into this situation. One second he had been following a former detective, one who had gone missing after one of the biggest political stunts in Martian history. And the next he was being held at gunpoint, by someone claiming to be said former detective’s husband.   
He looked around at the auditorium. Juno Steel was no longer sitting on the edge of the stage and was instead making his way toward the back of the room. Assumably to come and join the two men on the balcony.   
“Turn around please.” If Shine was playing a part, he didn’t show it.  
“Listen.” Omar turned “This isn’t what you think, trust me.”  
“Hm, no.”  
“I, don’t know what to say to convince you, I wasn’t peeping in on your wife.”  
It was just then that Steel made his way to the top of the stairs. He looked honestly confused as he saw Omar standing at gunpoint.  
“Um, Topaz?”  
“Yes, darling.”  
“I guess you found who was tailing me.”  
“Yes, I did.”  
Omar rolled his eyes “Alright cut the crap, both of you. Steel I’m not stupid and you know it. Now I’m tired of pretending that we are just two normal couples, we all know we aren’t! So can you lower the gun and we can actually talk, like adults?”   
“Excuse me?” There was something dangerous in Shine’s eyes, for just a second. And then he began to laugh. “I’m sorry but I’ve never heard that name before. Steel? It’s certainly an interesting one. But no, I’m sure you’ve got my wife confused with someone else.” He turned to Steel “Darling, have you ever heard such an interesting name before?”  
He seemed to think for a moment, “No, no I don’t think I have. It’s certainly an interesting name.”  
Shine hummed, “Well then, here is what we are going to do.” he held his gun just a little higher. “You, Captain are going to stop calling my wife that, as it’s obviously not his name.I’m sure this whole thing is just a misunderstanding, you though my darling Emerald was someone he isn’t and followed him to try and, I don’t know, get his attention.  
My wife and I are going to be on our merry way, and hope we don’t have to see too much of each other for the rest of the week.” He smiled “Sound good? Darling?”  
“Sounds good to me.” He grabbed Shine’s hand and pulled him back slightly. “Let’s go sweetheart.”  
=====  
It was hard convincing Noor not to attempt to find the Shine’s for dinner, she was quick to forget after Omar mentioned going to watch the stars near the bow of the ship though. They had spent their night watching stars and talking. It had been nice, or at least it would have been if Omar was able to stop thinking about what Steel and Shine were up to.  
The next day Omar woke up late to Noor already up and going. She had on her nice dress and was beginning to put on her makeup.   
“Morning darling, I figured I would let you sleep.” She smiled “I’m going to go get us lunch while you get ready alright?”   
Omar nodded along, not really awake as she kissed him on the cheek and left the room. Once she was gone he woke himself up a bit more before beginning to get ready for the day. Noor was right as always, and he was ready in only a few minutes. He knew that it would take her a while longer before she got back, and he knew exactly how to use that time up.  
Once again getting out his comms, Omar began to look through the HCPD database. He still couldn’t find anything on Shine. But this time he also had time to look into Steel.  
Juno Steel, ex-cop, former detective. Offical missing after the Old Town incident along with his secretary. His files were filled with childhood misdemeanors, his time at the HCPD, and his run-ins while working as a detective. But it was nothing Omar hadn’t seen before. There was nothing on his record that said anything about a Topaz and Emerald Shine. Not even in any of his old fake ID’s he had stacked up during his teen years.   
Omar could hear the distinct click of Noor’s heals as she returned with their breakfast, quickly he put away his comms and forced himself to forget about Steel and Shine for the morning.   
“They had crepe’s!” Noor happily exclaimed as she entered the room.   
Omar smiled “yay. Now is there something specific that you have gotten dressed up for darling?”   
Noor nodded, “There’s a gala that’s supposed to last all day long. I was hoping we could go this afternoon, it will be less busy before the dinner rush and we can actually enjoy ourselves. I know how much you hate crowds.”  
“That sounds wonderful darling. I’ll get into my nice suit.”  
=====  
The gala was just as empty as Noor had said it would be, only a few people milled about in a large ballroom. Art collections lined the walls and people were admiring them, a few were even calling over attendants to make bids on the pieces.   
Omar and Noor walked around hand in hand, she looked excitedly at the different pieces of art while he enjoyed the hors d’oeuvres that had been provided. They wandered around peacefully for a long time. Talking quietly about the art and what to do with the rest of their day.   
It was nearing evening when a large crowd entered the ballroom. Omar looked up at the sound of their voices in the previously quiet space. The group was moving quickly into the room, all dressed in their best clothes and covered in jewelry.   
He didn’t think much of it as they were slowly surrounded by people, gripping onto Noor’s hand just a little tighter just to not lose her in the crowd. He looked to the statue that stood in front of him for a second, and when he looked back to the crowd he saw them.  
Juno steel and Topaz Shine, walking hand in hand through the crowd. They were dressed better than anyone else there. Steel in a dark blue gown, falling all of the way to the ground, covered in little diamonds that made it look like he was wearing the night sky. Shine had a matching suit, fitted perfectly to his slim figure with the front cut suggestively low.   
Omar watched them carefully as they moved around the room. They had yet to notice his eyes on them. They were walking close to other guests, he saw Shine’s hands moving quickly into his own before pulling back out and reaching forward.  
He was stealing, it was hard for Omar to catch, Shine’s hands moving so fast that he could only catch as he moved something into his own pocket. It didn’t help that it seemed that Steel’s only job was to distract, he was talking loudly to anyone he saw, shaking hands and laughing at jokes. He moved around Shine, pulling attention away from him as he reached into pockets and grabbed onto necklaces.   
He was watching helplessly on the sidelines as a criminal worked. Omar could do nothing as Shine and Steel worked through the crowd in perfect synchronization. They didn’t notice him as he watched, but Noor did.  
“Omar? Dear, what are you looking at?”  
“Hm? Oh I was looking back at that painting love, the one with the earth rabbits on it. I just liked it.”  
“Oh that one is sweet, I don’t think we can get over there anymore. Too crowded.”  
“Yes, well that’s alright. Why don’t we head out to dinner?”  
“That sounds wonderful.”


End file.
